‘Happy Birthday, Mr President!’ What should one buy Mr Ahmadinejad today?


President Ahmadinejad seems to have everything, what to buy?!

He may be the most dangerous politician in the middle east, and arguably the world, but today is Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s birthday, and I was wondering what one should buy, as a gift, for the man who has everything.

Obviously he would really like a lovely set of nuclear missiles to allow him, and Iran, to join the top table of nuclear nations in the world, but that’s too dear, especially in this time of recession. I called both Harrods and Fortnum and Mason and they have both run out of nuclear missiles.

So something cheaper that he can share. He apparently wants to wipe Israel off the map, but I don’t think that should be encouraged, as he needs to learn to play nicely, and that would not be nice.

I find it really difficult to buy for someone who really hasn’t been a good boy this year, which leaves me with having to buy him something that I would like and he could benefit from.

I have decided what I am going to buy the President, and that is a functioning democracy. 

Apparently you can buy these off the shelf these days.  The United Nations and the European Union would be more than happy to explain how to run free and fair elections in Iran, and this would be an excellent present for President Ahmadinejad. He would benefit from it, because it would afford him legitimacy if he was actually elected, and all the people of Iran, and those in the region, would also benefit from a strong, democratic Iran.

Now, I just have to decide how I am going to wrap it!

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